Having released seven features in six years, directed six episodes of TV, and having already shot two more films in that same time that could still arrive in 2025, suffice it to say filmmaker Guy Ritchie’s (“Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”) been on a roll. His recent fast-moving output has even managed to best or rival those of similarly prodigious filmmakers like Steven Soderbergh and Ridley Scott. More importantly, quality generally hasn’t suffered because of quantity, and the English writer/director is efficiently doing some of his best work right now. Unfortunately—and how is this for a segue— none of this actually applies to his hollow new film, “Fountain Of Youth,” a big-budget, big-scale epic action adventure that’s busy, kinetic, energetic and totally vacant inside and out.
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Featuring a huge starry cast—John Krasinski, Natalie Portman, Eiza González, Domhnall Gleeson, plus Arian Moayed, Laz Alonso, Carmen Ejogo, and Stanley Tucci— the film is a sizable, expansive globe-trotting romp shot on location, and it’s clear Apple TV+ has spared no expense.
And that’s unfortunate for them because “Fountain Of Youth” feels like a significant spend on a whole lot of nothing.
Written by James Vanderbilt (“Zodiac”), “Fountain Of Youth” centers on a pair of estranged siblings, their associates and their plan to find the mythological fountain of youth. But there’s a catch, a secret society of protectors in the world who have been tasked, down through the ages and generations, to be the global guardians of the legend, and stop at nothing to prevent mankind from discovering it.
“Fountain of Youth” begins with an unexpected visit from Luke Purdue (John Krasinski), the ne’er-do-well, wayward antiquities collector and son of a famous historian and archeologist, calling on his distanced sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman). She’s retired from treasure hunting and the escapades their father used to take them on, trading adventure for motherhood, family life and an unfulfilling job as a museum curator.
No sooner than they get reacquainted, Luke steals one of her paintings, takes her along for the ride, and quickly embroils her in a bigger scheme. The Elon Musk-like billionaire Owen Carver (Domhnall Gleeson) is dying of terminal cancer, and he is trying to use the full force of his many resources to uncover the fountain of youth to try to cheat death.
Utterly disinterested at first, Charlotte has no interest in joining this fool’s errands scheme. Still, fired from her job because of her brother (and dealing with a custody battle from a suddenly turned ugly divorce), she is eventually reluctantly inveigled into what becomes something of a global heist.
But as Luke and his team, Patrick Murphy (Laz Alonso) and Deb McCall (Carmen Ejogo), former associates of his father, inch closer towards the clues that may help them discover the whereabouts of this mythic fountain, the protectors, led on the ground by the enigmatic foot soldier lieutenant Esme (Eiza González), try and thwart their plans with threatening furor.
On top of it all, Interpol, led by the smartly dressed Inspector Jamal Abbas (Arian Moayed), is still on Purdue’s tail, investigating the whereabouts of the stolen painting.
As the Purdue team, Luke and Charlotte bicker the whole way, uncover the hints and secrets of their prize, and the other forces track their every move, leading to many action-packed face-offs in different exotic locales across the world.
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But “Fountain Of Youth” is all style and no substance, all bravado and bluster and no depth. The movie buzzes around with kinetic energy, the cameras zip around, the characters wisecrack quickly and bicker bitterly, and the music by composer Christopher Benstead tries to breathe escapist thrills into a quick-paced jaunt.
But all the energy, speed and quickly clipped editing by James Herbert cannot mask all the movie’s many deficiencies, from a boring, paint-by-numbers plot, a supposedly imaginative story, unfunny dialogue, to flat chemistry between the leads, little of it has a pulse, much less feels pulse pounding.
This is the movie’s biggest embarrassment, really. It’s working overtime at throwing dazzling set pieces at you with fast-moving camera moves, editing and use of drones to feel cinematically inventive. Still, it never once makes you feel one iota for any character, so you never care at all.
“Fountain Of Youth” is filled to the brim with unearned confidence. Krasinski cocks around like a self-satisfied young Harrison Ford, but possesses none of the charm (at least not in this film). Portman gets the thankless role of stick in the mood, trying to pooh-pooh her brother’s eagerness and ambitiously foolhardy plans, but it’s an odd casting choice to saddle an Academy Award-nominee with the role of unfun grump.
Ritchie seems to have a renewed sense of zeal and purpose of late; affairs like “The Gentleman,” “MobLand,” and “The Covenant” move with crisp muscularity and often, at least, co-written by him, twist and turn with entertaining elegance.
But “Fountain Of Youth” is all just unjustified enthusiasm from the jump, never backed by anything other than kinetic elements that flail away so furiously, and yet ineffectively, they feel all the more sweaty, meaningless and desperate.
Like a modern “Raiders Of The Lost Ark,” Ritchie’s “Fountain Of Youth” is essentially a grounded and would-be entertaining event, but turns a little fantastical and supernatural by the end, some of the characters revealing their true, covetous natures. But none of it matters by then. The film may take on a few phantasmagorical elements, but at this point, you want the tedious, forgettable experience to end. “Fountain Of Youth” may feel superficially dynamic, and cinematically, it sure tries its best to trick you into thinking it’s a vigorous thing, but it’s just a cup filled with empty calories, sustaining nothing and ironically, only just wasting precious minutes off your life [D+].
“Fountain Of Youth” premieres on Apple TV+ on May 23.